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Transformers: Revenge on the Audience

If two years ago you told me that it was possible to be bored while watching giant robots fight, I would have said, “Sure, I just saw Transformers and that’s exactly how I feel.” But that was then. The newly released sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen would have put the 2007 me into a coma. Director Michael Bay is known for action-packed substance-void movies and he only further cements his reputation with this film.

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Revenge of the Fallen picks up where Transformers left off. The Autobots are now working jointly with the US military, in a top secret alliance to rid Earth of the remaining bad guys, the Decepticons. Meanwhile, the main character, Sam (Shia LaBeouf) is starting college. His girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) is still being hot. In the process of packing, Sam finds the little shard of the Cube again and it makes him go crazy. The rest of the film is about figuring out what’s inside his head in time to save the Earth from the ultimate attack by the oldest badass Decepticon called Fallen. See what they did there? It’s, like, the dude’s name!

The technical level of the visual effects is of course impressive and I would expect nothing less from ILM. But the director again fails to utilize this amazing artistry to maximum effect. He repeats the mistake of the first film by making most of the robot transformations occur too fast, too close and too many times. All you really see are countless shards of metal blurring past the screen until there’s a robot there.

The third act of the movie takes this to the ultimate extreme with an epic battle by the pyramids in Giza. There is non-stop destruction, to the point that you are completely desensitized to it. It’s so action-packed, it’s boring. You don’t even get to stop and admire the magnificent location the production was so incredibly lucky to film at.

I believe people are usually over-analytical when it comes to finding racial stereotypes in movies. (I don’t agree with Stephen’s claims that Aladdin and The Jungle Book have racist undertones to them, for instance.) But even I shook my head at the ridiculousness of Skids and Mudflap – twin robots busting ebonics zingers whenever something isn’t exploding on the screen. At one point, Sam asks them if they could read some ancient Autobot symbols:

Skids: Read? Unh uh.
Mudflap: We don’t - we don’t really do much readin’.

Whaaaat?

It’s probably not worth analyzing the narrative structure and character development of this movie. We all understand it’s a blockbuster sci-fi/action ride. I will only say that even in that genre, the movie is weak. It clashes with itself and turns off beret wearing film connoisseurs and nacho munching hard core franchise fans alike. It attempts to combine serious, high-stakes action with DreamWorks Animation-style goofiness the most unattractive way.

Revenge of the Fallen is not a case of a sophisticated filmmaker pandering to a wide audience. I really believe that Michael Bay is simply not capable of creating anything better than this.

The P.A. Chronicles

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The definition of a good PA can be very different depending on who your asking. To me, the most simple definition of a good PA is someone who is willing and able to do what no one else on a set wants to do. This can include anything from going to the pharmacy and mysteriously purchasing 6 different types of anti itch cream for Ja-Rule to escorting Tia Carrera to a nice sushi restaurant before driving her back to the hotel. (Both of which I have done.) I remember my first PA gig vividly. I was paid $50 dollars for an 18-hour, 1-day shoot for some random Canadian lifestyle show filming in Miami Beach. For most of the day I did nothing but guard, aka fire-watch, an empty truck with no shade from the blistering sun. When the night came, things got a bit more interesting. The club that we were filming at had for some reason placed astro turf over the floors of the entire club. The producer had made a deal with the club owner that in exchange for letting us film there, we would remove the astro turf  from the entire club at the end of the night. So there I was at 11pm in the middle of South Beach on a Friday night, loading pound after pound of astro turf and dirt into the bed of someones pickup truck. After the overflowing pick uptruck is loaded, the producer reveals that he has no idea what to do with the astro turf. So me and a few other badly paid PA’s decide to do something illegal, find a random dumpster on a back street, unload the astro turf and drive away like a bat out of hell. After we finally wrapped, I remember thinking to myself on the ride home: “Is this really what I spent the last 3 years of my life preparing for?” And the answer, of course, is yes.

For the better part of the last 8 years I have worked as a PA. Film &  television sets, reality shows, photo shoots & infomercials - I pretty much have seen it all. Being a PA can be very different depending on what type of set you are on. On a film shoot it’s a lot easier to focus on one task. Usually everyone is working towards one goal, so once you have your orders you’re probably not going to do much else. On reality shows, there are usually a bunch of things being made at the same time, and there is always a sense that anything can happen, so it’s necessary to be on your toes and ready at all times. Photo shoots are great because you’re dealing with minimal elements and people, they pay well and you get to meet a lot of lovely models. Infomercials are cheap, boring and a pain in the ass to work on. Unless you desperately need the money, I would stay away from those.

Day to day I strive to be a filmmaker but my favorite type of set to work on is a Reality TV set.  Depending on the type of show you can learn so much day to day. I worked for 2 years on TLC’s In A Fix & I learned invaluable lessons about home improvement and all of the small things that make a home work. On a couple of seasons of Top Chef I learned everything I could about great food, restaurants, appliances & industrial size kitchens. Three seasons of Miami Ink showed me the world of tattoos and tattoo artist from a unique perspective. Sure, there are a lot annoying people and things to deal with such as appearance releases, janitorial amounts of cleaning & ecstasy addicted directors who seem to have a death wish, but having some extra knowledge at the end of the day makes it all worthwhile. Of course, there are the reality shows where you learn useless things too. On a season of Making the Band I learned all of the reasons everyone in America should despise P Diddy, and that’s all I’m going to say about that. Since I’ve moved up in the food chain, I am pretty much out of the PA game. I will always be grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, the great people I’ve worked for and all the knowledge I’ve acquired.

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